Post-exchange depresssion?
I have no idea whether anyone still reads this.
And if you don't you have some good reasons:
1) Anna is not in Wonderland anymore. No one to miss (for you). Nothing to write about (for me). Or so it would seem.
2) Anna hasn't written on this spot since more than a week.
The two have everything to do with each other. Let's say there is a causal relation between 1 and 2. Let's say conflicting thoughts have been deranging my mind and paralysing my fingers. Lack of time is no excuse this time (and it never really really is). But I have been doing my very best not to think of England (for reasons of self-protection), and not to think about being in Utrecht (ditto; even worse), and together that means I could not get myself to writing anything about the two (and their connection).
That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of Exeter. Quite the opposite. I haven't been able to help missing Exeter all the time.
In other words: being back on me has the effect of being rather depressing (in both senses of the expression: being back has been depressing for me; and I, being back, have probably been depressing others, too). (That slight fever might have been adding to this feeling, or being added to by this feeling, or probably it's mutual, etc. etc.)
However. But. On the other hand.
I must not forget.
It has been so good to see you - you, that is some of you, because others will be reading this from England, or Germany, or God knows where, and for them everything is upside down, mirrored, looking-glass... - I was saying: it has been so good to see all that I had been away from again. And you have been so good to me. And if I were a sensible person I would only be happy now.
But I'm not - not a sensible person, I mean. (Because I don't wanna say I'm totally unhappy. Far from that. I've already had some extremely happy days here. But at the moment UC is sickening. And I don't know why. Maybe things will get better tonight, when pancakes will be baked...)
This is not the end (1).
I still have some evaluative posts to post. Whether anyone will read them or not (and I suspect one or two persons actually will), I need to write them down, if only for my own peace.
I'm sorry I didn't write this and the rest of them earlier. I have to be quick now, before all is gone.
This is not the end (2).
No. It is a beginning.
(It is a cliche.
It is true.)
I was saying: I'm not. Not a sensible person.
No, I'm an incurable romantic; looking into rabbit holes, through tiny doors and through looking-glasses.
"but I'm not the only one" (let's rip Lennon from his context):
Op aarde niet en niet op zee
And if you don't you have some good reasons:
1) Anna is not in Wonderland anymore. No one to miss (for you). Nothing to write about (for me). Or so it would seem.
2) Anna hasn't written on this spot since more than a week.
The two have everything to do with each other. Let's say there is a causal relation between 1 and 2. Let's say conflicting thoughts have been deranging my mind and paralysing my fingers. Lack of time is no excuse this time (and it never really really is). But I have been doing my very best not to think of England (for reasons of self-protection), and not to think about being in Utrecht (ditto; even worse), and together that means I could not get myself to writing anything about the two (and their connection).
That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of Exeter. Quite the opposite. I haven't been able to help missing Exeter all the time.
In other words: being back on me has the effect of being rather depressing (in both senses of the expression: being back has been depressing for me; and I, being back, have probably been depressing others, too). (That slight fever might have been adding to this feeling, or being added to by this feeling, or probably it's mutual, etc. etc.)
However. But. On the other hand.
I must not forget.
It has been so good to see you - you, that is some of you, because others will be reading this from England, or Germany, or God knows where, and for them everything is upside down, mirrored, looking-glass... - I was saying: it has been so good to see all that I had been away from again. And you have been so good to me. And if I were a sensible person I would only be happy now.
But I'm not - not a sensible person, I mean. (Because I don't wanna say I'm totally unhappy. Far from that. I've already had some extremely happy days here. But at the moment UC is sickening. And I don't know why. Maybe things will get better tonight, when pancakes will be baked...)
This is not the end (1).
I still have some evaluative posts to post. Whether anyone will read them or not (and I suspect one or two persons actually will), I need to write them down, if only for my own peace.
I'm sorry I didn't write this and the rest of them earlier. I have to be quick now, before all is gone.
This is not the end (2).
No. It is a beginning.
(It is a cliche.
It is true.)
I was saying: I'm not. Not a sensible person.
No, I'm an incurable romantic; looking into rabbit holes, through tiny doors and through looking-glasses.
"but I'm not the only one" (let's rip Lennon from his context):
Op aarde niet en niet op zee
posted by Anna P.H. Geurts | 1:59 pm
