Help save lives

"The fire alarm system is fitted to help save your life."

How can I help to save my life? Actions fall within one of three categories:

1. "well, dûh"
-"always shower with the DOOR SHUT to keep steam in"

2. the impractible
-"always shower with the extractor fan on (we don't have one: it's called Lafrowda Standard)"
-"never leave cooking unattended (Oh, like that time I was making a beef stew?)"
-"always use aerosol sprays such as deodorants and hair sprays away from smoke detectors" (you mean like the one on the ceiling in front of my tap and mirror?)

3. the ridiculous
-"never use candles" (no Christmas for me this year...)
-"never cook by using deep fat frying" (ditto for New Year's Eve)
-"never using equipment that is designed to produce heat in your study bedroom" (what? you mean like the central heating? you must be joking!)
-"always report faults in doors [...] to the hall manager immediately" (like they're gonna do anything about it)

So far for the contents of the leaflet that was left in my room by the cleaner. Last week. Mm, would they be worrying about our safety? Another sign we're approaching the end of the semester. Time to pay the accommodation fee...

"Helping make Devon safe"